Emotional Intelligence, also known as EI or EQ, is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as recognise and influence the emotions of others. The four key elements are:
1. Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is about knowing how your emotions affect you and others. This is about knowing how you feel in any given moment and understanding how those feelings impact your thoughts and actions. It’s like having a radar for your inner world — understanding your emotional reactions and how they influence your behaviour.
Imagine you’re in a meeting and someone criticises your project idea. If you’re self-aware, you might feel defensive or frustrated, but instead of reacting impulsively, you recognise those emotions. This allows you to take a moment, breathe, and respond calmly, maybe by asking clarifying questions or offering a more balanced response. Being self-aware helps you avoid knee-jerk reactions that could harm relationships or derail your goals.
2. Self-Management
Self-management is the ability to regulate your emotions, especially in challenging or high-pressure situations. It’s about staying composed and maintaining a positive attitude, even when things aren’t going as planned.
Picture a situation where you’re facing a tight deadline, and everything seems to be going wrong — systems crashing, colleagues missing deadlines, etc. Instead of panicking or snapping at people, self-management would involve taking a step back, prioritising tasks, and staying focused on what you can control. This helps you remain effective, even when things are chaotic, and sets a calm example for your team.
3. Social Awareness
Social awareness is about being able to read the emotional climate in the room and understanding the feelings of others. It involves empathy — being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes — and also picking up on subtle emotional cues like body language or tone of voice. This is the ability to recognise and understand the emotions of others so you can better manage how you engage and relate with them.
Let’s say a colleague is unusually quiet during a team meeting. If you’re socially aware, you might notice this shift in behavior and ask them if everything’s okay, showing concern and empathy. By recognising that they might be stressed or overwhelmed, you can offer support or even adjust the meeting dynamics to make them feel more comfortable to contribute. People appreciate when their emotions are understood and acknowledged, and it helps build trust and rapport.
4. Relationship Management
This is the ability to manage interactions successfully, whether that’s resolving conflicts, inspiring and influencing others, or just communicating effectively. It’s about using your emotional awareness to build strong, positive relationships.
Let’s say there’s a conflict between two team members over how to approach a project. If you’re skilled in relationship management, you could step in to mediate the situation. You’d actively listen to both sides, validate their feelings, and help them find common ground or a compromise. You might also encourage open communication, ensuring both people feel heard and valued. This helps to resolve tension, maintain positive working relationships, and keep the team moving forward.
Emotional Intelligence is essential for navigating the ups and downs of the workplace. By understanding your emotions (self-awareness), staying calm under pressure (self-management), reading and understanding others (social awareness), and managing interactions well (relationship management), you’ll be able to build stronger relationships and handle challenges with more confidence.
People with low EQ:
- Often feels misunderstood
- Get upset easily
- Become overwhelmed by emotions
- Have problems being assertive
People with high EQ:
- Understand the links between their emotions and how they behave
- Remain calm and composed during stressful situations
- Are able to influence others toward a common goal
- Handle difficult people with tact and diplomacy
See also Daniel Goldman’s article in Business & Leadership What Makes a Leader? Or this article: How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence | Harvard DCE