Sometimes we confuse conflict with drama.
Conflict is tension between competing positions, ideas or needs. True conflict is the raw material for positive innovation. Conflict is change trying to happen.
Drama is different. It’s a disruptive, self-perpetuating cycle of three interrelated roles that people play – villain, victim and hero.
Victim
They tend think they are powerless, incapable, helpless and might feel hopeless. Denying their own agency and ability. Victims may feel intrinsically defective or hard done by and often seem to want constant kid glove treatment.
Villain
Tend to blame others and criticise others without providing guidance, assistance or offering a solution to the underlying problem. Often perceived as persecutors who can be critical and unpleasantly blunt in their communication. They may or may not be aware of the effect their communication style has on other people.
Hero
Heroes love to rescue other people, unaware that they simply perpetuate the problem. They can sometime enable and disable others by doing things for them that they could and should do for themselves. Rescuers tend to make themselves indispensable to others as this satisfies a personal need to needed.
The Solution
The simple solution to the drama triangle is to help people to be aware of the roles they are playing and institute a ‘no triangles’ rule. That is, if person A has an issue with person B, then they need to address that issue directly with the person involved.
It’s the idea that we don’t talk about people, we talk to them.
And if person C is asked to become involved (thus creating a triangle and a potential drama scenario) they need to avoid the temptation to step in as a rescuer and encourage instead that A and B discuss their issue together and seek a positive resolution.
For more on the Drama Triangle, watch this 4 minute video HERE
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Download the PDF: The.Drama.Triangle