Conflict brings truth to the surface. Conflict uncovers what people really think and feel. Conflict reveals unknown or unspoken.
In conflict situations, the main drivers of behaviour are often hidden below the waterline. If we don’t clarify those underlying causes, our attempts to resolve conflict may be sunk before we begin.
If we focus only on behaviour or actions we miss an opportunity to dig a little deeper and find out more about what is driving or motivating the actions. Often, if we work on resolving those unspoken needs, behaviours and actions will change as well.
Here are some common work-related needs that, if unmet, can become a source of frustration that may lead to conflict behaviours:
Task significance: Does the work you do create meaning or impact?
Task identity: Do you feel ownership (emotionally) in the work you’re doing?
Autonomy: Do you have the freedom to make choices?
Skill variety: Is the task monotonous?
Feedback: Are you in a place where you can safely and easily get feedback and use it to improve?
Growth: Are you able to learn and develop new skills and abilities?
There are also a range of social needs that can influence behaviour:
Social connection: Do you feel you belong and are part of the group?
Recognition: Do you feel your contribution is valued and appreciated?
Voice: Do you feel your needs and ideas are listened to and taken into account?
Remember, it’s not about the nail. Sometimes the problem we feel is obvious and fixable is not the issue the other person is concerned about. Often, people just need a listening ear and some moral support to give them space to find their own solutions. It’s not about the nail…
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Download the PDF: The.Conflict.Iceberg