“Name it to tame it” is all about defining your feelings so they don’t take over. When you’re feeling something strong, like stress or anger, instead of letting it run wild, you stop and figure out what you’re actually feeling. Just putting a name to the emotion — like “I’m feeling frustrated” or “I’m anxious” — can make it easier to handle.

Why it helps:

  • Gives you space: Once you name the emotion, it’s like you’re stepping back from it, so it doesn’t control you as much.
  • Makes you aware: Labeling your feelings helps you tune into what’s going on inside, which is key to understanding yourself.
  • Calms you down: Saying the emotion out loud or thinking about it activates the part of your brain that helps you think clearly, so you’re less likely to react emotionally and more likely to stay calm.

Example:

If you’re stressed at work, instead of letting that feeling spiral, you stop and say, “Okay, I’m feeling stressed.” Just naming it helps you regain control and not let it make your decisions for you. It’s a simple way to get a handle on your emotions and not let them take over.

Psychologist Dr. Daniel Siegel

In his early work on emotional intelligence, Daniel Siegel pioneered the idea that labelling your emotions can help you gain control over them and reduce their intensity. His research showed that when you name an emotion, you bring it into conscious awareness, which helps to activate the thinking parts of your brain (the prefrontal cortex) and quiet down the emotional parts (like the amygdala). This can help you respond to emotions with more clarity and less reactivity.

Here’s Dr Siegal’s process and how to do it:
1. Notice the Emotion:

The first step is to become aware that you’re feeling something strongly. It could be frustration, sadness, anger, or even excitement. Being mindful of how you’re feeling is crucial.

2. Label the Emotion

Once you’ve identified the feeling, give it a name. For example, “I’m feeling angry” or “I’m feeling anxious.” This step helps you distance yourself from the emotion instead of being overwhelmed by it.

3. Acknowledge the Body Sensations

Emotions are often accompanied by physical sensations. Take a moment to notice where you feel the emotion in your body — tightness in your chest, a knot in your stomach, etc. This can help you become more aware of how your emotions manifest physically.

4. Describe the Emotion

Go a step further and describe the emotion in more detail. For example, instead of just saying “angry,” you might say, “I’m feeling frustrated because I was misunderstood,” or “I feel anxious because there’s uncertainty about the future.” This extra specificity helps make the emotion feel less abstract and more manageable.

5. Pause and Breathe

After naming and describing the emotion, take a few deep breaths to calm your nervous system. This helps you regulate the emotional intensity and prevents your brain from getting stuck in the emotional loop.

6. Reflect

Once you’ve created this space, take a moment to reflect on the source of the emotion and whether it’s proportional to the situation. Sometimes emotions can arise from past experiences or misunderstandings, so reflecting on this can help you decide on the best way to respond.

Here’s an Example

Imagine you’re in a meeting, and a colleague’s comment frustrates you. Instead of reacting immediately with anger, you could pause and think, “I’m feeling frustrated right now because I think my ideas aren’t being heard.” By naming the emotion, you give yourself a moment to process it and choose a more thoughtful response, perhaps asking for clarification or expressing your thoughts calmly.

Name it to tame it — simply being more aware of your emotions — allows you to manage them more effectively.

Taking time to pause and reflect is often the best way forward. Psychologist and mindfulness teacher, Tara Brach, offers another simple process you can follow based on the acronym RAIN:

  • Recognise what is happening
  • Allow the experience to be there, just as it is
  • Investigate with interest and care
  • Nurture with self-compassion

Brene Brown also talks about these ideas in her book Atlas of the Heart. She states that the larger our emotional vocabulary, the easier it is to navigate difficult or distracting emotions. The more precisely we can identify our emotions, the better chance we have of solving the right problem. How we deal with feeling ‘angry’ will be quite different if we first get clear on whether we are furious, frustrated, annoyed, or simply a bit irritated. To expand your own emotional dictionary, you can view sample emotion lists HERE and HERE.

Dr Rebecca Ray, Australian author and clinical psychologist, has a fantastic audio book on this topic called So Emotional. For a brief summary go HERE or to purchase go HERE

In addition to using these strategies for ourselves, we can also use Name It to Tame It to guide others through the process of becoming more self-aware. See the Ask, Don’t Tell page for more ideas.

Need to know more about how to manage emotions? Click here, and let’s talk…