Judgers and Learners ask different kinds of questions. Judgers are often rigid in their thinking, focus on problems and mistakes, and tend to make assumptions without checking first of their views are accurate. Learners are usually more curious and possibility focused. They tend to seek first to understand before drawing any conclusions.
Judger questions constrict and limit, and sound like this:
What’s wrong with me?
Whose fault is it?
Why am I a failure?
Why can’t I do anything right?
Why are they so clueless and frustrating?
Haven’t we already been there, don’t that?
Why bother?
On the other hand, Learner questions are open, energizing questions that sound like this:
What happened?
What do I want?
What’s useful about this?
What can I learn?
What’s the other person thinking, feeling, and wanting?
What are my choices?
What’s best to do now?
What’s possible?
The Learner mindset opens us up to possibilities while the Judger mindset leaves us, at the very least,
in an unproductive state. The Learner mindset is a choice. The Judger mindset is a reaction to our
circumstances.
Most of the time, we’re shifting back and forth between Learner and Judger mindsets, barely aware
we have any control or choice. Much of what we experience can just seem true or real or logical to
us. We go along as if what we experience is the way things are. Real choice begins when we are
mindful enough to observe our own thoughts and feelings as well as the language we use to express
them.
The trick is to be mindful of the path we are on and make the appropriate adjustment. We make
that adjustment by changing the questions we are asking. For more details about how to do this, check out Marilee Adams’ book, Change Your Questions, Change Your Life.
If we can accept the fact that we tend to gravitate to Judger, but can choose Learner, we can make
progress by changing the questions—asking switcher questions like: Am I in Judger mode? Is this what
I want? How else can I think about this?
Marilee Adams has also developed a workbook to help work through triggering situations and adapt
and develop a learner mindset. It’s a helpful companion to the book. In the workbook, she outlines the Judger and Learner attributes. The chart below is very useful in understanding the change your questions, change your life process.
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