Handling conflict well stops small issues from turning into bigger problems, helps people communicate better, and makes teamwork smoother. It also boosts emotional intelligence by getting us to be more aware of our feelings and those of others. When we handle conflict well, it builds trust, encourages growth, and keeps stress levels down, creating a more positive environment for everyone involved. These books below will give you everything you need.
I recommend these books because I’ve read them and found them useful in my own life and work. If you come to my office, you’ll find them on my bookshelf – well thumbed, highlighted and bookmarked to the good bits. I’ve read plenty of other books on these topics that didn’t make the cut. Also, please note, as an Amazon Associate I earn a small commission (at no cost you) on any purchase made through links on this page.
Difficult People: Dealing with the bad behaviour of difficult people – Dr Rebecca Ray
Difficult People, by Australian author and clinical psychologist Dr Rebecca Ray, explores how to understand and deal with people who are challenging, whether in personal relationships, at work, or in social settings. The book provides practical advice grounded in psychology, offering tools for managing difficult behaviour without compromising your own well-being.
Understanding Difficult People: Ray defines different types of difficult people (e.g., the manipulative, the passive-aggressive, the narcissist) and explains why they behave the way they do, often rooted in insecurity, fear, or past trauma.
Emotional Intelligence: The book emphasises the importance of emotional intelligence (EQ) in navigating interactions with difficult individuals. Cultivating self-awareness, empathy, and emotional regulation helps in responding thoughtfully rather than reactively.
Setting Boundaries: Ray stresses the significance of establishing clear boundaries with difficult people to protect your mental health. She offers strategies on how to assertively communicate limits while maintaining respect.
Responding vs. Reacting: Instead of engaging in emotionally charged reactions, Ray encourages a mindful approach to responding to difficult people. This helps to avoid escalation and allows for more constructive conversations.
Managing Expectations: Understanding that you can’t change other people’s behaviour, but you can control your responses, is key to reducing frustration and maintaining healthy relationships.
Self-Care: The book advocates for prioritizing self-care, including mental, physical, and emotional health, to deal with the stress that difficult people can cause.
Practical Tips & Tools: Ray provides actionable strategies like reframing negative thoughts, practicing mindfulness, and using non-confrontational communication techniques to manage difficult interactions effectively.
An easy read. Simple ‘how-to’ guides and practical real-world examples.
To buy Difficult People, go HERE
Setting Boundaries: Care for Yourself and Stop Being Controlled by Others – by Dr Rebecca Ray
Setting Boundaries is not just about saying ‘no’. It is about pursuing the things that set our soul on fire, loving deeply without losing ourselves, and better resisting the demands and expectations of others. Dr Rebecca Ray, Australian clinical psychologist and author, shows how boundaries are the key to many of the emotional and practical difficulties we encounter in daily life.
This book is a practical guide to understanding and implementing boundaries in your personal and professional life. The main ideas of the book include:
The Importance of Boundaries: Boundaries are essential for maintaining mental and emotional well-being. Without boundaries, we can become overwhelmed and too easily lose our sense of self.
Recognising Boundary Violations: The book teaches you how to identify when your boundaries are being crossed, whether by others or yourself, and provides strategies to reclaim control.
The Role of Self-Care: Establishing boundaries is a form of self-care. Protecting your emotional and mental health is not selfish. It’s necessary for healthy relationships and personal growth.
Overcoming Guilt: A common barrier to setting boundaries is guilt. Dr Ray shows how to overcome the guilt that often turns up when you prioritise your own needs over others.
Practical Tools and Techniques: The book is full of actionable strategies for setting clear boundaries in all sorts of contexts – at work, with family, and in friendships.
Empowerment: Take back control of your life by asserting your limits so you can live more authentically and confidently.
If you’re looking for a book to give you tools for recognising, setting, and maintaining boundaries that support better self-care, healthier relationships, and a more empowered life – this is the one you need.
To buy Setting Boundaries, go HERE
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High – by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler
Crucial Conversations gives a practical framework for effectively navigating high stakes, emotionally charged conversations. The book outlines strategies for maintaining dialogue, resolving conflict, and achieving productive outcomes even when emotions run high, or tensions are elevated.
Crucial Conversations Defined: A crucial conversation is one in which stakes are high, emotions run strong, and opinions differ. These conversations can significantly impact relationships, careers, and personal well-being.
Start with Heart: Before engaging in a high-stakes conversation, focus on what you truly want to achieve and your underlying motives. Keeping your purpose clear helps steer the conversation toward positive outcomes and prevents defensiveness or escalation.
Create a Safe Environment: In difficult conversations, safety is key. People need to feel they can speak openly without fear of judgment or retaliation. Establishing mutual respect and maintaining a safe space for both parties is essential to a productive dialogue.
Master Your Story: Recognise the stories you tell yourself about a situation, which can affect your emotions and behavior. By reframing your perspective and separating facts from interpretations, you can approach conversations more calmly and objectively.
STATE Your Path: This acronym stands for:
- State your facts: Share the facts of the situation.
- Tell your story: Express how you interpret the facts.
- Ask for others’ views: Encourage others to share their perspectives.
- Talk tentatively: Avoid being overly rigid or confrontational.
- Encourage testing: Invite others to question or challenge your viewpoint.
Agree on What’s Working: In any difficult conversation, it’s helpful to identify common ground or areas of agreement. Acknowledging areas of shared understanding can lower defensiveness and build rapport.
Move to Action: Conclude crucial conversations with clear, actionable steps. Ensure everyone involved knows the next steps, responsibilities, and timelines to move forward constructively.
Recognise the Role of Emotions: Emotions often play a significant role in crucial conversations. The book emphasises acknowledging and managing emotions — both your own and the other person’s — without letting them dominate the conversation.
Learning these tools and applying them in high-stakes situations, we can transform potentially destructive conversations into opportunities for connection, collaboration, and problem-solving.
To buy Crucial Conversations go HERE
Radical Candor: How to Get What You Want by Saying What You Mean – Kim Scott
Radical Candor by Kim Scott is a guide to effective leadership and communication, emphasising the importance of giving direct, honest feedback while showing care and respect for others. Scott introduces the concept of “Radical Candor,” which is about challenging directly while showing that you care personally. She argues that this approach leads to better relationships, stronger teams, and improved results. The central ideas are:
Radical Candor: The core concept is balancing “Care Personally” with “Challenge Directly.” It’s about giving honest feedback and addressing issues directly, while still demonstrating genuine concern for others’ well-being.
The Care Personally – Challenge Directly Framework: Scott outlines a 2×2 matrix with four quadrants:
- Radical Candor (Care Personally + Challenge Directly): Honest, respectful, and constructive feedback.
- Ruinous Empathy (Care Personally + Don’t Challenge Directly): Avoiding difficult conversations to avoid hurting feelings, which can lead to resentment and unaddressed issues.
- Obnoxious Aggression (Don’t Care Personally + Challenge Directly): Being harsh or blunt without regard for others’ feelings, which can damage relationships.
- Manipulative Insincerity (Don’t Care Personally + Don’t Challenge Directly): Saying nothing to avoid conflict while potentially being passive-aggressive or insincere.
Building Trust: Radical Candor builds trust. By caring about others and being direct with them, you build strong relationships that allow for growth and honest feedback.
Giving and Receiving Feedback: Scott emphasises the importance of giving feedback regularly — both positive and constructive — and making it a two-way street. Leaders should always invite feedback to improve their own performance.
Encouraging Open Communication: Creating a culture where people feel safe to speak up, make mistakes, and offer their perspectives without fear of judgment is crucial for team success.
Career Development: Leaders using radical candor take an active role in developing their team members by providing guidance, mentorship, and opportunities for growth, always balancing honesty with support.
Scott’s approach advocates for authentic, transparent, and compassionate communication to improve workplace dynamics, enhance productivity, and foster a more engaged, high-performing team.
Radical Respect: How to Work Together Better – Kim Scott
Radical Respect, previously published as Just Work, is focused on fostering an environment of mutual respect and trust in the workplace. Building on the principles of Radical Candor, Scott introduces “Radical Respect” as a way to navigate difficult conversations, resolve conflicts, and collaborate more effectively. The book emphasises the importance of creating an inclusive, empathetic, and supportive culture where everyone feels heard, valued, and respected.
Radical Respect: This concept is about respecting people as individuals, understanding their perspectives, and showing empathy while maintaining honesty. It goes beyond mere politeness or tolerance, focusing on deep mutual respect that values people’s uniqueness and contributions.
Listening and Understanding: Truly listening to others, especially in difficult conversations, is essential for fostering respect. This means not only hearing their words but understanding their feelings, needs, and viewpoints.
Creating Psychological Safety: Radical Respect encourages creating a safe space for team members to speak up without fear of judgment or retaliation. This sense of safety allows for open, honest communication and a more collaborative environment.
Inclusion and Empathy: The book stresses the importance of inclusivity and empathy in building a respectful team dynamic. Respect involves understanding and acknowledging differences, and ensuring that everyone feels welcome and valued.
Conflict Resolution: Respectful conflict resolution is key to maintaining positive working relationships. The book teaches how to handle disagreements with respect, ensuring that people are not personally attacked but instead focused on resolving the issue at hand.
Feedback with Respect: Giving and receiving feedback through the lens of respect, where the focus is on helping each other grow, is central to improving individual and team performance.
Personal and Professional Growth: Radical Respect involves not only caring about others but also encouraging their growth, providing support, and offering constructive feedback to help them succeed.
Scott’s Radical Respect gives practical advice on how to confront bias, prejudice and bullying to build a culture of inclusivity. Success in the workplace is not just about achieving goals but also about how people work together — creating an environment where people treat each other with genuine respect, leading to better collaboration, stronger relationships, and more positive outcomes.
To buy Radical Respect, go HERE
Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most – Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton & Sheila Heen
Difficult Conversations outlines a framework for handling challenging conversations with clarity, empathy, and effectiveness. The authors break down the emotional and psychological components of tough discussions, offering strategies to navigate conflict and communicate more constructively, especially when the stakes are high.
Understand the Three Conversations: Every difficult conversation consists of three components:
- What Happened?: This is the factual aspect of the conversation, where both parties may have differing views on what occurred.
- Feelings: The emotional response to the situation, which often fuels conflict. Both parties bring their emotions, which need to be recognised and addressed.
- Identity: The conversation often touches on personal identities, values, or self-esteem, causing heightened sensitivity and defensiveness.
Shift from “Right-Wrong” to Understanding: Instead of focusing on who is right or wrong, difficult conversations are more productive when both parties focus on understanding each other’s perspectives. This reduces defensiveness and opens the door for collaborative problem-solving.
The Importance of Listening: Active listening is crucial for understanding the other person’s perspective and emotions. Listening carefully and empathising with the other person’s feelings can transform difficult conversations into more productive ones.
Separating Facts from Interpretations: People often confuse their interpretations or assumptions about an event with the actual facts. Distinguishing between objective facts and subjective interpretations avoids unnecessary conflict.
Reframe the Problem: Instead of viewing the conversation as a fight, reframe it as a shared problem to solve. This perspective encourages collaboration rather than adversarial communication.
Expressing Your Feelings: It’s important to express your own emotions without blaming or accusing others. By owning your feelings and speaking from your own perspective (“I feel…”), you can reduce defensiveness and foster more honest dialogue.
Staying Calm and Centred: In high-stakes or emotional conversations, staying calm and focused is key. The book suggest simple strategies for managing your emotions and maintaining composure, which helps maintain productive dialogue.
Creating Mutual Purpose: It’s crucial to find common ground and a shared goal during difficult conversations. Establishing a mutual purpose ensures that both parties are invested in resolving the issue and working together, which increases the chances of a positive outcome.
Apologising and Acknowledging Impact: When necessary, acknowledging the impact of your actions on the other person, and offering a sincere apology, can help heal the relationship and facilitate resolution.
The book teaches that difficult conversations are inevitable but manageable with the right mindset and tools. By focusing on mutual understanding, managing emotions, and fostering a sense of respect, people can navigate tough discussions more effectively and achieve more positive, productive outcomes.
To buy Difficult Conversations go HERE
The Good Fight: Use Productive Conflict to Get Your Team and Organization Back on Track – Liane Davey
In The Good Fight Liane Davey explains that conflict, when managed well, can drive innovation, improve relationships, and lead to better decision-making. She offers practical strategies for turning conflict into a tool for growth, rather than something to be avoided or feared.
Conflict Happens—Don’t Avoid It: Conflict is a normal part of any workplace. Trying to avoid it can actually make things worse. Instead, Davey shows how dealing with conflict in a healthy way can help solve problems and make teams stronger.
Different Types of Conflict: There’s conflict over ideas (task-related) and conflict between people (interpersonal). Knowing what kind of conflict you’re dealing with helps you tackle it the right way.
Turn Conflict into an Opportunity: Instead of seeing conflict as something negative, look at it as a chance to improve things. If teams deal with disagreements openly and constructively, they end up with better solutions, stronger relationships, and more creativity.
Trust is Key: If there’s no trust, people avoid tough conversations and let issues simmer. But when trust is there, team members can have honest chats, even when they don’t agree, and get to the heart of the problem.
How to Handle Conflict: Davey gives some handy tips for managing conflict, like:
- Create a safe space: Make sure people feel comfortable speaking up without worrying about backlash.
- Focus on the issue, not the person: Keep it about the problem, not making it personal.
- Use a framework: Having a structure in place, like “disagree and commit,” keeps everyone on track even when you don’t agree.
Stages of Conflict: Conflict doesn’t happen all at once — it has stages. From early tensions to full-blown disagreements, each stage needs a different approach. Understanding where you are helps you deal with it more effectively.
Leaders Set the Tone: Leaders have a big role in how conflict is handled in teams. They need to show the way by being open, transparent, and creating an environment where productive conflict can happen.
Conflict Can Spark Positive Change: When handled well, conflict is a way to shake things up, challenge old ideas, and get teams thinking outside the box to improve results.
Basically, Davey’s book shows that conflict doesn’t have to be something to dread. When managed the right way, it can make teams stronger, improve decision-making, and help everyone work better together.
Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well – Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen
Thanks for the Feedback is all about how to handle feedback — whether it’s positive, negative, or somewhere in between. The book shows that receiving feedback can be tough, but when done right, it can help you grow, improve, and strengthen relationships. The authors break down the process of receiving feedback, helping you navigate your emotions and respond in a way that actually benefits you.
Feedback Isn’t Just About You: The book explains that feedback is not just about “fixing” you, but about helping you grow. It’s about the other person’s perspective on something they’ve noticed, so it’s not all about you personally.
Three Kinds of Feedback: There are three types of feedback you’ll get. Knowing what kind of feedback you’re getting helps you understand how to react:
- Appreciation: Positive feedback that’s about recognising effort or value.
- Coaching: Feedback on how to improve or do something differently.
- Evaluation: This is where someone judges your performance, usually against some standard or expectation.
Our Inner Triggers: When receiving feedback, it’s easy to feel defensive, upset, or annoyed. The book highlights how our brains react to feedback — whether it’s from fear of being judged or just not agreeing with what’s being said — and how to manage those feelings so you don’t shut down the conversation.
Ask the Right Questions: Instead of just reacting, the authors suggest asking questions like “What’s the impact of what I’m doing?” or “What would success look like to you?” This helps you get clarity and prevents misunderstandings.
See the Feedback as Data: Rather than viewing feedback as a personal attack, try to see it as useful data about how others perceive your actions or behaviour. This shift in mindset makes it easier to take feedback on board.
Don’t Take It Personally: A big part of receiving feedback well is separating the feedback from your identity. The feedback is about what you did, not who you are. Don’t let it affect your self-worth.
Make It a Two-Way Conversation: The book encourages having a conversation about feedback, not just listening passively. Clarify points, ask for examples, and even share your own perspective. It’s about understanding each other, not just hearing what’s said.
Thanks for the Feedback will help you handle feedback more effectively by getting past emotional reactions, asking the right questions, and viewing it as an opportunity for growth rather than a critique. With these strategies, you’ll be better equipped to use feedback to your advantage and improve both personally and professionally.
To buy Thanks for the Feedback go HERE
High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out – Amanda Ripley
High Conflict by Amanda Ripley explores why some conflicts spiral out of control and become all-consuming, and how we can break free from these toxic patterns. Ripley digs into the psychology of high-stakes conflicts and shows how they often go beyond just a disagreement — they turn into personal battles that damage relationships and keep people stuck. The book also offers practical strategies for de-escalating and resolving these types of conflicts.
What Makes Conflict “High Conflict”: Not all disagreements are the same. High conflict happens when people get locked into a cycle of anger, blame, and defensiveness. It’s when the conflict becomes less about the issue and more about winning or destroying the other side.
The Drama Triangle: High conflict often gets stuck in what’s called the “drama triangle,” where people take on the roles of victim, villain, or hero. Once you get into one of these roles, it’s easy to keep the conflict alive and escalate it.
How We Get Trapped: The reasons why we get stuck in these cycles of high conflict include things like cognitive biases (our brain’s tendency to see things one way), our emotions taking over, and how we build an “us vs. them” mentality. These patterns make it hard to break out of the conflict, even when it’s hurting everyone involved.
Escalation Happens Fast: High conflict doesn’t stay at a small level for long. Things can can escalate fast — what starts as a minor disagreement can quickly become a full-blown battle, with both sides digging in deeper, making it harder to find common ground.
The Role of Identity: When conflict becomes personal, it’s often because people feel that their identity or values are being attacked. These conflicts can turn into a battle for survival, not just a disagreement about an issue.
Steps to Get Out of High Conflict: Key strategies to break free from these destructive cycles include:
- Seek to Understand: Instead of reacting with anger, try to understand where the other person is coming from.
- Shift the Narrative: Challenge the “us vs. them” thinking by focusing on shared humanity and finding common ground.
- Create Space for Reflection: Step back and give yourself time to cool off and rethink your approach before getting sucked back into the drama.
- Engage in Problem-Solving: Focus on finding solutions, not on winning the fight. Look for ways to resolve the issue instead of making the conflict the central focus.
Hope for Resolution: Ripley doesn’t sugarcoat the difficulty of high conflict, but she shows that it’s possible to escape these cycles. The key is being aware of the patterns and actively working to change how you engage with the conflict.
High Conflict is all about understanding how these intense disagreements form and how to get out of them. It’s a mix of psychology, real-life examples, and practical advice for de-escalating conflict and finding healthier ways to communicate and solve problems.
Speak Up: Say what needs to be said and hear what needs to be heard – Megan Reitz & John Higgins
Speak Up is all about getting better at speaking up and listening — two essential skills for having honest, meaningful conversations, especially in the workplace. The authors explore why people often stay quiet when they should speak up and why hearing others isn’t always as easy as it seems. They provide a bunch of tips on how to break through these barriers, creating more open, honest, and productive conversations.
Why We Stay Silent: People often hold back in conversations, even when something important needs to be said. Fear of conflict, worrying about how we’ll be perceived, or not knowing how to express ourselves all contribute to this silence.
The Power of Speaking Up: Speaking up is crucial for progress, whether it’s in a meeting, a tough conversation with a colleague, or offering feedback. When we stay silent, we miss out on opportunities to improve situations, solve problems, and build better relationships.
The Barriers to Listening: Listening isn’t as simple as just hearing words — it’s about truly understanding the other person’s perspective. Biases, assumptions, and distractions can get in the way of real listening, making it harder to fully hear and connect with others.
Creating a Speak-Up Culture: Create an environment where people feel comfortable speaking up. This includes encouraging openness, showing that different viewpoints are valued, and being willing to listen and act on what’s said.
Practical Tips for Speaking Up: Reitz and Higgins outline ways to make it easier to speak up:
- Be clear on what you want to say: Take the time to think about your message before speaking.
- Frame your message carefully: Use language that’s respectful and constructive, rather than critical or defensive.
- Start small: If it’s hard to speak up in big conversations, practice by starting with smaller, less risky situations.
Better Listening Practices: To truly hear others, focus on the speaker, suspend judgment, and ask clarifying questions. Listen with empathy and an open mind to understand where the other person is coming from so you can respond thoughtfully.
Speak Up to Improve Relationships: Speaking up and listening better can significantly improve relationships — both personal and professional. It helps avoid misunderstandings, build trust, and create a more collaborative environment.
Communication is a two-way street — saying what needs to be said is just as important as hearing what others are trying to tell you. By getting better at both speaking up and listening, you can make conversations more effective and meaningful, whether you’re tackling big issues or just trying to improve day-to-day interactions.
Fierce Conversations: Achieving success in work and in life, one conversation at a time – Susan Scott
Fierce Conversations is all about having bold, honest, and meaningful conversations that can lead to real change. The book focuses on how important it is to tackle difficult topics head-on, whether it’s at work or in personal life. Scott shows that by being open, direct, and truly engaged in our conversations, we can improve relationships, solve problems, and achieve success.
Conversations Are the Key to Success: Success in both work and life comes down to the conversations we have. Whether it’s with colleagues, friends, or family, how we communicate shapes everything — our relationships, our work, and our happiness.
Be Fierce, Not Just Nice: The idea of being “fierce” isn’t about being aggressive or rude. It’s about being real, courageous, and clear in our conversations. Fierce conversations are ones where you address issues directly, speak your truth, and don’t shy away from tough topics.
Get to the Heart of the Issue: Instead of skirting around problems, it’s important to dive into what really matters. That means asking the tough questions, challenging assumptions, and making sure you’re talking about the real issue at hand.
Speak and Listen with Intention: Every conversation should have a purpose, and both speaking and listening need to be done with intention. Whether you’re sharing something or hearing someone else’s perspective, stay present, ask clarifying questions, and focus on understanding.
Handle Conflict Constructively: Fierce conversations often involve conflict, but that conflict doesn’t have to be destructive. It’s all about dealing with disagreements in a way that moves things forward, strengthens relationships, and leads to better solutions.
Be Fully Present: To have a fierce conversation, you need to show up completely. Put away distractions, focus on the person you’re speaking to, and engage deeply with what’s being said. The goal is to make every conversation count.
Accountability and Action: A fierce conversation doesn’t end just with talking — it leads to action. It’s vital to hold yourself and others accountable for following through on what’s discussed. Without action, conversations don’t create change.
Speak Your Truth: Being honest about what you think and feel, you create more authentic and meaningful connections, whether it’s at work or in your personal life.
The way we communicate shapes our world. By having bold, honest, and focused conversations, we can tackle challenges, strengthen relationships, and create lasting success in both our careers and personal lives.
To buy Fierce Conversations go HERE
The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t – Robert Sutton
In The No Asshole Rule, Robert Sutton explains how to create a healthy, respectful workplace by identifying and dealing with toxic people — those who make the environment miserable for everyone else. Sutton calls them “assholes” (his term, not mine!) and focuses on how to avoid or manage them in the workplace to ensure a more productive and positive atmosphere for everyone.
The No Asshole Rule: The core idea is simple — workplaces should have a zero-tolerance policy for toxic behaviour. “Assholes” can drag down morale, hurt productivity, and even drive good people away, so creating a culture where such behaviour isn’t tolerated is essential.
The Impact of Toxic People: Toxic people — whether they’re rude, dismissive, or outright aggressive — damage the workplace in many ways. They can lower team morale, create fear and stress, and undermine collaboration. This not only affects the people they directly interact with, but also the overall company culture.
Identifying the “Assholes”: The book gives practical tips on how to spot toxic individuals. It’s not just about overt bullying; there are subtle behaviours like belittling others, taking credit for others’ work, or always putting people down. If someone’s behaviour consistently makes others feel bad, they might be an “asshole.”
How to Deal with Toxic People:
- Leaders: They need to set the tone and make it clear that toxic behaviour isn’t tolerated. They should also take action when they spot it and be willing to remove people who aren’t a good fit.
- Employees: If you’re not in charge, speak up or find ways to protect yourself from the negative effects of toxic colleagues. It’s about setting boundaries and finding support from others in the workplace.
The Cost of Tolerating Toxicity: Allowing toxic people to stay around can hurt the whole organisation in the long run. Productivity, creativity, and overall happiness suffer when toxic behaviour is ignored. The cost is too high to let it slide.
Creating a Civilised Workplace: The book isn’t just about getting rid of the bad apples; it’s also about promoting a positive, supportive culture. Sutton talks about building a workplace where respect, kindness, and teamwork are the norms, which creates a healthier and more productive environment for everyone.
Surviving a Toxic Workplace: If you’re stuck in a toxic environment, Sutton offers advice for surviving it. This includes finding ways to protect your own well-being, creating alliances with others who feel the same, and knowing when to walk away if things don’t improve.
The No Asshole Rule is all about recognising that toxic behaviour in the workplace is harmful and needs to be addressed. By creating an environment where people are treated with respect, companies can boost morale, productivity, and overall success. It’s a call for leaders to take responsibility for the culture they create and for everyone to stand up for a more civilised way of working.
To buy The No Asshole Rule go HERE
Practical Tips, Tools, Phrases & Questions
Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It – Chris Voss
Never Split the Difference is a deep dive into the world of negotiation, with tips and tactics straight from a former FBI hostage negotiator. Chris Voss shares practical strategies that can help you get better deals, avoid common mistakes, and influence others, whether you’re negotiating a big contract or just trying to get a better deal on a used car.
Don’t Settle for Half: You don’t have to settle for a compromise (the “split the difference” approach). Instead, Voss teaches you to aim for a win-win outcome by understanding the other person’s needs and finding creative solutions that work for both sides.
Tactical Empathy: One of the main tools Voss highlights is tactical empathy — understanding the emotions and perspective of the other person. By showing that you understand where they’re coming from, you can build trust and open the door to more productive conversations.
The Power of Listening: Active listening is a key skill in negotiation. It’s not just about hearing what the other person says, but really paying attention to their words, tone, and body language to pick up on hidden motivations.
Mirroring and Labeling: Voss introduces simple techniques like mirroring (repeating a few of the other person’s words) and labeling (naming their emotions) to create rapport and keep the conversation flowing. These tools help you connect with the other person and get them to open up more.
The Accusation Audit: Before making your case, address any negative assumptions the other party might have. This is called an accusation audit — basically, acknowledging the concerns they might have before they raise them, which defuses potential tension.
“No” is Not the End: Instead of fearing “no,” Voss teaches that it’s actually a powerful tool. When someone says “no,” it’s often just the start of the real negotiation. It can help you clarify their boundaries and get them to rethink their position.
The 7-38-55 Rule: Voss shares the psychology behind communication, which says that only 7% of communication is verbal, 38% is tone, and 55% is body language. He emphasises that understanding the non-verbal cues is just as important as what’s being said.
Creating the Illusion of Control: Voss explains how to use questions like “How am I supposed to do that?” to give the other person the feeling they’re in control, even though you’re carefully guiding the conversation.
The Black Swan: These are the unknowns or hidden pieces of information that can completely change the dynamics of a negotiation. Learn how to look for these “black swans” to uncover information that will help you make better decisions.
Never Split the Difference is all about thinking like a negotiator, using psychology and emotional intelligence to get the best outcomes without making compromises. It’s full of real-world techniques that can help you navigate difficult conversations, influence others, and negotiate like a pro.
To buy Never Split the Difference go HERE
Powerful Phrases For Dealing With Difficult People: Over 325 Ready-to-Use Words and Phrases for Working with Challenging Personalities – Renee Evenson
Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People is packed with tips to help you deal with difficult people at work. Whether they’re aggressive, passive-aggressive, negative, or just plain tough to talk to, the book gives you ready-to-use phrases to keep things calm, clear, and productive. The book is divided into various categories of difficult siutaions. For example:
Dealing with Aggressive People: What to say if someone’s getting hostile or angry, to cool things down and keep the conversation on track.
- “I can tell this is important to you. Let’s take a moment to talk about it calmly.”
- “I get that you’re frustrated. Let’s figure out how to resolve this together.”
Handling Passive-Aggressive Behaviour: When people don’t say what they mean and instead act out in subtle ways, this section shows you how to get them to speak directly and clear up the confusion.
- “It seems like something’s being left unsaid. Can we talk about it openly?”
- “I’m not sure I get what you’re saying. Can you explain a bit more?”
Managing Criticism and Negativity: If someone’s always negative or critical, these phrases help to keep things positive and move the conversation toward solutions.
- “I understand your concerns. Let’s focus on how we can fix this.”
- “Thanks for your feedback. Let’s work on a solution.”
Responding to Complaints: When someone’s unhappy or complaining, there are tips to address their concerns without getting defensive and make it more about solving the issue.
- “I see why you’re upset. Let’s work together to figure this out.”
- “I hear your concern. How can we make it better?”
Dealing with Manipulative People: This helps you handle people who try to manipulate situations without directly calling them out. It’s all about staying firm while being professional.
- “Let’s focus on what’s best for the team.”
- “We should make sure this is fair for everyone.”
Managing People Who Interrupt or Take Over Conversations: If someone’s constantly interrupting or dominating the discussion, you acn regain control and make sure everyone gets a say.
- “I’d like to finish what I’m saying, then I’m happy to hear your thoughts.”
- “Let’s make sure everyone has a chance to speak.”
Dealing with People Who Resist Change: For those who fight change, you can encourage them to be more open and understand why the change is needed.
- “I know change can be tough, but here’s how this will help you.”
- “Let’s work together to make this change smooth.”
Handling Vague Communication: If someone’s not being clear or is being too vague, ask the right questions to get straight answers.
- “I’m not sure I understand. Can you clarify that for me?”
- “Could you give me a bit more detail so I can get the full picture?”
Overall, the book is a reference guide to staying calm, respectful, and productive when dealing with difficult people. It gives you tools to handle tricky situations with confidence and ease.
To buy Powerful Phrases go HERE
The Conflict Resolution Phrase Book: 2,000+ Phrases For Any HR Professional, Manager, Business Owner, or Anyone Who Has to Deal With Difficult Workplace Situations – Barbara Mitchell & Cornelia Gamlem
The Conflict Resolution Phrase Book is a go-to guide for handling tough conversations at work. It’s packed with over 2,000 phrases you can use in different conflict situations, whether you’re trying to resolve issues between colleagues, dealing with complaints, or managing challenging personalities.
The book covers all sorts of tricky scenarios, giving you phrases to use for everything from giving constructive feedback to addressing workplace disputes. It’s perfect for HR professionals, managers, or anyone who has to step in when things get tense or messy at work.
- Tons of Ready-to-Use Phrases: There is a huge collection of phrases. You’ll find lines for every situation — whether you need to calm someone down, clarify a misunderstanding, or get people to focus on a solution.
- Practical Solutions for Everyday Problems: It’s not just about words; it’s about using the right words to keep things civil and productive. Whether it’s addressing conflict head-on or managing delicate conversations, the book offers phrases that help you stay calm, neutral, and professional.
- Focused on Workplace Conflict: This is for anyone who deals with people in a work setting. It’s useful if you’re managing teams, handling HR issues, or just trying to keep things running smoothly between coworkers.
- Organised by Situation: The book is organised by types of conflict or situations you might face — like performance issues, team disagreements, personal conflicts, and more. So you can quickly find the right phrase for your exact situation.
The Conflict Resolution Phrase Book is a practical resource for anyone who wants to improve their communication skills and handle workplace conflict with confidence. It’s full of phrases that help keep things on track without letting emotions or misunderstandings take over.
To buy The Conflict Resolution Phrase Book go HERE
Conflict Mastery: Questions to Guide You – Cinnie Noble
Conflict Mastery: Questions to Guide You gives you useful questions to guide your thinking and help you approach conflict in a calm, strategic way. The book is designed to make you more aware of your conflict patterns, the other person’s perspective, and how to find the best path forward.
Guiding Questions for Self-Reflection: Insightful questions to help you reflect on your role in a conflict. The goal is to make you think critically about what’s happening, why you’re reacting the way you are, and what your deeper motivations might be.
Understanding Your Conflict Style: Helps you understand your natural conflict tendencies — whether you avoid conflict, get defensive, or go straight into problem-solving mode. By knowing this, you can work on responding in a way that’s more productive and less reactive.
Focused on Clarity and Perspective: These questions push you to look at conflict from multiple perspectives. It encourages you to step outside your own emotions and consider the viewpoints, needs, and goals of the other person involved in the conflict.
Practical Strategies for Resolution: Helps you figure out how to resolve conflicts by considering different solutions, weighing their impact, and picking the approach that leads to the best outcome. It’s all about making intentional decisions instead of reacting out of habit.
Building Long-Term Conflict Skills: More than just resolving one-off conflicts, you’ll start to develop a mindset and skill set that you can use in any future conflict situation, whether it’s a small disagreement or a bigger issue. The questions guide you to improve your approach each time.
A Thoughtful, Structured Approach: Instead of just offering advice, it encourages a more thoughtful, reflective approach to conflict. It’s not about just fixing the problem — it’s about understanding the situation fully and making decisions that create a more positive outcome for everyone involved.
Conflict Mastery is a tool for anyone who wants to dive deeper into how they deal with conflict. It helps you pause, reflect, and approach situations with more awareness and intentionality, so you can handle disagreements in a way that’s more constructive and less stressful.
To buy Conflict Mastery go HERE
How to Negotiate like a Pro: How to Resolve Anything, Anytime, Anywhere – Mary Greenwood
How to Negotiate Like a Pro: How to Resolve Anything, Anytime, Anywhere gives you the tools to handle any negotiation, big or small, with confidence and skill. The book breaks down the art of negotiation, offering practical tips and strategies for resolving conflicts and striking deals in any situation. Whether you’re negotiating with a colleague, a business partner, or even in everyday situations, it teaches you how to stay calm, communicate effectively, and get the best possible outcome. It’s a mix of mindset, tactics, and real-world examples to help you become a more effective negotiator.
To buy How to Negotiate Like a Pro go HERE
How to Mediate Like a Pro: 42 Rules for Mediating Disputes – Mary Greenwood
How to Mediate Like a Pro is a practical guide that breaks down the process of mediation into 42 easy-to-follow rules. Whether you’re dealing with a workplace dispute, family conflict, or any kind of disagreement, this book gives you the tools to help people find common ground and resolve their issues without escalating things. It covers everything from how to prepare for mediation to how to stay neutral and keep the conversation on track. It’s a simple, no-nonsense approach to helping others solve problems and come to agreements, making it perfect for both beginners and those with some experience.