Dealing with emotions is important because it directly impacts our well-being and how we navigate the world. It’s essential for mental health, healthy relationships, good decision-making, resilience, and personal development. The books below are some of the best around on how to do it well.
I recommend these books because I’ve read them and found them useful in my own life and work. If you come to my office, you’ll find them on my bookshelf – well thumbed, highlighted and bookmarked to the good bits. I’ve read plenty of other books on these topics that didn’t make the cut. Also, please note, as an Amazon Associate I earn a small commission (at no cost you) on any purchase made through links on this page.
So Emotional! Find Freedom from Your Feelings with Reframing – Dr Rebecca Ray
NOTE: THIS BOOK IS ONLY AVAILBLE AS AN AUDIOBOOK.
When we encounter negative emotions in ourselves, our instinct is … run! And so, we avoid, hide, suppress and fight these painful feelings and emotional experiences. But by avoiding or suppressing emotions, we make them into something negative about ourselves. We risk entering a spiral of helplessness, shame, and self-loathing.
In So Emotional, Dr Rebecca Ray takes listeners on a journey to approach their painful feelings using the tool of reframing to process them and provide a springboard for growth. Turn failure into expansion, fear into courage, and frustration into flow, and learn the tools to flip experiences to find meaning and a way forward. A quick overview:
Understanding Emotions: The book explores the role emotions play in our lives, emphasizing that emotions themselves aren’t the problem—it’s how we interpret and react to them that can create issues.
The Power of Reframing: The main concept in the book is reframing, which involves changing the way we look at our emotions. Instead of seeing them as obstacles, we can reframe them as opportunities for growth and self-understanding.
Breaking Free from Overwhelm: Many people feel controlled or overwhelmed by their emotions. Dr. Ray offers tools for gaining more awareness and control, so emotions don’t run the show.
Challenging Negative Thought Patterns: The book helps you recognise negative thinking patterns that fuel emotional struggles, and shows how to replace them with more empowering, balanced perspectives.
Creating Emotional Resilience: Reframing helps build emotional resilience. You’ll learn how shifting your perspective can help you navigate difficult emotions with more ease and less stress.
Practical Exercises: The book is full of actionable exercises to help you reframe your emotional experiences, build healthier emotional habits, and embrace feelings for a more fulfilled life.
Self-Awareness and Growth: Ultimately, So Emotional is about fostering deeper self-awareness, understanding your emotional triggers, and learning to manage emotions in a healthier way for long-term emotional freedom.
Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience – Brene Brown
In Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown explores the complex landscape of human emotions and experiences, offering insight into how we can better understand, communicate, and navigate our feelings. The key ideas of the book include:
The Power of Connection: Brown emphasises that understanding and naming our emotions is crucial for developing deeper connections with others. She explores how vulnerability and empathy are foundational for building meaningful relationships.
Language of Emotions: Brown introduces a “map” of human emotions, breaking down complex feelings into distinct categories. By doing so, she helps readers identify and articulate their emotions more clearly, which can lead to emotional clarity and better communication.
The Importance of Emotional Awareness: The book highlights how being aware of our emotional states can lead to healthier decision-making, self-compassion, and resilience in the face of adversity.
Shame and Vulnerability: A significant part of the book deals with how shame can hinder emotional growth and connection, while embracing vulnerability can create the conditions for courage, creativity, and wholehearted living.
Resilience: Brown discusses how emotions like grief, fear, and anger can challenge our resilience but can also be harnessed to strengthen our emotional capacity and adaptability.
Human Experience is Universal: The book reminds readers that despite differences in culture, identity, and experience, the emotions we feel are universal, helping to foster empathy and understanding in a diverse world.
Brown’s work in Atlas of the Heart encourages us to develop a more nuanced emotional vocabulary and to recognize the power of vulnerability and connection in both our personal and professional lives.
To buy Atlas of the Heart, go HERE
No Hard Feelings: Emotions at Work (And How They Help Us Succeed) – by Liz Fosslien & Mollie West Duffy
No Hard Feelings dives into how emotions impact our work lives and why we should embrace them rather than suppress them. Emotions aren’t something to avoid at work but a powerful tool that, when handled well, can improve relationships, decision-making, and overall success. Here are the key points:
Emotions Are Inevitable and Essential: The authors argue that emotions are an unavoidable part of work life and can play a positive role. Rather than trying to suppress emotions, we should acknowledge and manage them to improve performance and relationships.
Emotional Awareness Improves Communication: Recognizing and understanding your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others, helps foster better communication. When we’re aware of emotions like frustration, excitement, or stress, we can address them directly and prevent misunderstandings.
Emotions Influence Decision-Making: The book highlights that emotions significantly impact how we make decisions. When we’re aware of our feelings, we can make more informed choices instead of letting emotions control us unconsciously.
The Power of Vulnerability: Being open and vulnerable at work can lead to stronger relationships and greater trust. Admitting when you’re uncertain, anxious, or overwhelmed can help build an environment of support and understanding.
Managing Emotions, Not Suppressing Them: Suppressing or ignoring emotions can lead to burnout or interpersonal conflicts. Instead, managing emotions by addressing them head-on, talking about them, and developing strategies to cope can lead to more effective work environments.
Navigating Difficult Emotions at Work: The book provides practical advice on handling challenging emotions like anger, disappointment, or envy. It emphasizes the importance of expressing these emotions constructively and not letting them dictate your actions or behavior.
Emotional Intelligence Leads to Success: Fosslien and Duffy argue that emotional intelligence—the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions—is a key driver of success in the workplace. High emotional intelligence contributes to better leadership, collaboration, and decision-making.
Creating a Positive Work Culture: The authors stress that workplaces that encourage emotional expression and understanding foster a healthier, more productive culture. When emotions are allowed to be part of the conversation, teams can be more engaged and creative.
To buy No Hard Feelings, go HERE
Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change and Thrive in Work and Life – Susan David
In Emotional Agility, Susan David introduces the concept of emotional agility, which is the ability to approach our thoughts and emotions in a way that promotes growth, resilience, and well-being. By accepting our emotions, detaching from unhelpful thoughts, staying aligned with our values, and taking action with flexibility and mindfulness, we can navigate life’s ups and downs more effectively and thrive. Here are the key principles:
Accept Your Emotions Without Judgment: Emotional agility starts with acknowledging your emotions as they are, without labeling them as “good” or “bad.” Rather than suppressing or avoiding negative emotions, you accept them as part of the human experience and a natural response to life.
Detach from Your Thoughts: Instead of identifying with your thoughts (e.g., “I am a failure” or “I can’t do this”), David encourages us to see our thoughts as separate from who we are. This helps to prevent overidentifying with negative or limiting thoughts and frees us to make more objective decisions.
Be Curious About Your Emotions: Rather than reacting impulsively to emotions, take a moment to pause and observe them with curiosity. This allows you to understand the underlying causes of your feelings and make more intentional choices about how to respond.
Choose Your Values: Emotional agility involves aligning your actions with your core values, not letting temporary emotions dictate your behavior. By focusing on what truly matters to you, you can make decisions that are in line with your long-term goals and sense of purpose.
Take Committed Action: David emphasises the importance of acting in alignment with your values, even when it’s difficult. This principle encourages you to move forward despite your emotions, not letting fear, frustration, or other emotions stop you from taking steps toward your goals.
Flexibility and Adaptability: Emotional agility requires being open to change and adjusting your mindset as needed. Life is unpredictable, and the ability to stay flexible, particularly when facing challenges, is a key to thriving in both work and life.
Practice Mindfulness: Being present and mindful helps you notice your thoughts and emotions in real-time, which is crucial for emotional agility. Mindfulness practices, such as breathing exercises or reflection, can help you stay grounded and respond thoughtfully instead of reactively.
Self-Compassion: Being kind to yourself when facing difficulties is vital. David highlights how self-compassion helps you build resilience, reduces the impact of negative emotions, and encourages you to approach challenges with a sense of grace rather than self-criticism.
To buy Emotional Agility, go HERE
The Happiness Trap: Stop struggling, start living – Dr Russ Harris
In The Happiness Trap, Dr. Russ Harris outlines how our pursuit of happiness can sometimes lead to more suffering and how we can break free from this cycle. The book introduces Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) as a way to achieve psychological flexibility and live a meaningful life. By accepting our emotions, clarifying our values, and taking committed action, we can live a more fulfilling and meaningful life, even if it’s not always “happy”. Here are the main points:
The Happiness Trap: The central idea is that our culture often teaches us that we should always be happy, leading us to struggle against negative emotions, thoughts, and feelings. This pursuit of constant happiness often backfires and leads to stress, anxiety, and dissatisfaction.
Emotions Are Natural, Not Problems: Harris explains that emotions like sadness, anxiety, and frustration are normal parts of life, not signs of something going wrong. Trying to avoid or eliminate these feelings can cause more distress. Instead, we should accept them as they come and focus on how we respond to them.
Cognitive Defusion: One key technique in ACT is “cognitive defusion,” which involves distancing yourself from your thoughts. Instead of getting stuck in negative thinking or identifying with them (e.g., “I am a failure”), you learn to see thoughts as just words or images, not absolute truths.
Mindfulness and Present Moment Awareness: Harris stresses the importance of being present and mindful. By focusing on the here and now, we can break free from worrying about the future or ruminating on the past. Mindfulness helps us respond to life’s challenges with more clarity and less emotional reactivity.
Clarify Your Values: The book emphasizes that happiness is not the ultimate goal. Instead, what truly matters is living a life aligned with your values. Identifying what is most meaningful to you and focusing on those values helps you take purposeful actions, regardless of how you feel in the moment.
Commitment to Action: In ACT, it’s not enough to just accept emotions and thoughts; you also need to take committed action toward your values. Even when you feel scared, anxious, or unsure, you can move forward with small, deliberate steps that align with what matters most to you.
The Paradox of Struggling for Happiness: Harris points out that the more we struggle against our emotions and try to “fix” them, the worse they can become. By accepting that discomfort is a natural part of life, we can reduce its power and free ourselves to live more fully.
Psychological Flexibility: The ultimate goal is psychological flexibility — being able to respond to life’s ups and downs in a way that’s consistent with your values. This involves embracing your emotions, thoughts, and experiences without letting them control you.
To buy The Happiness Trap, go HERE
Permission to Feel: The Power of Emotional Intelligence to Achieve Well-Being and Success – Marc Brackett
In Permission to Feel, Marc Brackett unpacks how emotions shape our lives and why emotional intelligence (EQ) is key to thriving in both our personal and professional worlds. When we give ourselves permission to feel, get better at recognizing our emotions, and use them wisely, we improve our mental health, relationships, and performance. Here are the main takeaways:
Emotions Drive Everything: Brackett explains that our emotions impact everything we do — our decisions, actions, and relationships. They influence how we think and behave, so they’re a big deal in shaping our lives.
Being Aware of Your Emotions is Key: One of the book’s main messages is that we need to notice and understand our emotions instead of ignoring them. Brackett encourages us to give ourselves “permission to feel” so we can manage our emotions in a healthier way.
The CASE Model: Brackett introduces the CASE model, which breaks down emotional intelligence into four parts:
- C: Recognizing emotions in ourselves and others
- A: Understanding why we feel that way
- S: Being able to name our emotions accurately
- E: Expressing and managing our emotions in helpful ways
Emotions Can Help Us Succeed: Instead of seeing emotions as a problem, Brackett argues that they can be useful tools. For example, anger can highlight an issue, while anxiety might push us to be better prepared for something important.
Emotional Awareness Boosts Well-Being: The more we understand and manage our emotions, the better we feel overall. By being in tune with our feelings, we can reduce stress and increase our happiness.
Emotions Affect Learning and Performance: Emotions play a big role in how well we learn and perform. When we regulate our emotions, it helps us stay focused, think clearly, and be more creative — key ingredients for success in life and work.
Emotions Matter in Schools and Workplaces: Brackett emphasizes that emotional intelligence should be taught in schools and workplaces. When people are taught how to understand and express their emotions, it leads to healthier, more productive environments.
Creating a Safe Space for Emotions: A big part of the book is about how important it is to create spaces where people can express their feelings without shame. When emotions are acknowledged and respected, people feel safer and are more likely to thrive.
Validating Emotions: Finally, Brackett talks about the power of validating emotions — letting people know their feelings are real and okay. This helps people manage their emotions better and strengthens relationships.
To buy Permission to Feel, go HERE
Emotions, Mental Health & Wellbeing
A Pity Party Is Still a Party: A Feel-Good Guide to Feeling Bad – Chelsea Harvey Garner
A Pity Party Is Still a Party by Chelsea Harvey Garner is a humorous yet reflective exploration of the author’s experience with the complexities of mental health, self-worth, and navigating life’s struggles. The book emphasises how feeling bad or down doesn’t diminish one’s value or ability to move forward. Garner combines wit with vulnerability, showing that it’s okay to embrace your sadness and imperfection while still finding joy and strength in the process.
Key Ideas:
- Embracing Imperfection: Life doesn’t have to be perfect for it to be meaningful or worthwhile.
- Mental Health Awareness: The book offers a candid perspective on dealing with mental health challenges and self-doubt.
- Humor in Adversity: Garner uses humor as a coping mechanism and a tool to process difficult emotions.
- Self-Acceptance: Accepting your flaws and struggles is essential to personal growth.
- The Power of Resilience: Even when things aren’t going well, there’s power in pushing through and finding small moments of happiness.
- Growth Through Struggle: The book suggests that setbacks are often an opportunity for growth and self-discovery.
- Celebrating the Little Wins: Even the smallest victories can be worth celebrating, especially when life feels overwhelming.
Garner encourages us to be kind to ourselves and view our struggles with more compassion, reminding us that even tough moments contribute to the bigger picture of who we are.
To buy A Pity Party Is Still a Party, go HERE
What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Dr Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey
What Happened to You? by Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey delves into the profound impact of early life experiences on brain development and behavior. The book focuses on understanding trauma, how it shapes individuals, and how the question “What happened to you?” reframes our approach to empathy and healing. Through conversations between Perry and Winfrey, the book blends neuroscience with personal stories to shed light on the importance of nurturing relationships and trauma-informed care.
- Trauma Shapes Us: Early experiences, especially trauma, significantly shape brain development, behavior, and emotional responses throughout life.
- The Power of Relationships: Positive, nurturing relationships are crucial for healthy development and healing from trauma. Healthy attachments are fundamental for emotional regulation and resilience.
- Reframing the Question: Instead of asking “What’s wrong with you?” the book encourages asking “What happened to you?” to foster empathy and understanding for individuals’ behaviors.
- Neuroscience of Trauma: Perry explains how trauma affects brain structure and function, influencing how individuals respond to stress, form relationships, and process emotions.
- Healing is Possible: Despite the effects of trauma, the book emphasizes that healing is possible through supportive, understanding environments and relationships.
- The Importance of Safety: Creating a sense of safety—physically, emotionally, and psychologically—is key for trauma recovery and mental health.
- Empathy and Compassion: The book stresses the importance of empathy, compassion, and patience in supporting individuals who have experienced trauma or adversity.
Perry and Winfrey challenge the stigma surrounding challenging emotions, trauma and mental health, advocating for a more compassionate and informed approach to understanding human behavior.
To Buy What Happened to You? go HERE
The Bioscience of Emotions
How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain – by Lisa Feldman Barrett
How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain by Lisa Feldman Barrett offers a groundbreaking theory on how emotions are created, challenging traditional views. Instead of emotions being hard-wired, Barrett argues that they are constructed by the brain based on our experiences, body signals, and cultural context. She uses neuroscience to explain that emotions are not universal, but personal and shaped by our brains’ predictions. Key ideas include:
- Emotions Are Constructed: Emotions are not pre-programmed responses, but are constructed by the brain based on past experiences and the body’s physical state.
- The Brain’s Role: The brain uses sensory information and context to predict and create emotional experiences, meaning emotions are not automatic reactions but learned processes.
- Emotions Are Personal: There’s no universal emotional experience. Emotions are shaped by individual experiences, culture, and language.
- The Theory of Conceptual Act Model: Barrett proposes that emotions are concepts the brain creates to help make sense of bodily sensations and interpret the world, rather than pre-existing, hard-wired programs.
- The Influence of Culture: Culture, language, and environment play a significant role in how emotions are experienced and expressed, highlighting the brain’s adaptability.
- Emotional Regulation: Because emotions are constructed, they can be influenced or changed through understanding the brain’s processes and how we interpret our physical and emotional experiences.
Barrett’s book invites readers to rethink how emotions work and challenges the old view that emotions are simple, automatic responses. It offers insights on how we can better manage our emotions and cultivate emotional well-being through awareness and understanding of how our brains create them.
To buy How Emotions Are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain go HERE
The Molecules of Emotion: Why You Feel the Way You Feel – Dr Candace Pert
The Molecules of Emotion by Dr. Candace Pert explores the relationship between emotions, the brain, and the body, offering a scientific explanation of how emotions are experienced and processed. Drawing on her groundbreaking research, Pert demonstrates that emotions are not just psychological states but are deeply connected to physical molecules in the body, particularly neuropeptides. She explains how these molecules impact both the brain and the body, influencing our feelings, behavior, and overall health. The main points are:
- Emotions Are Chemical: Pert argues that emotions are not just mental experiences but are created by the interaction of molecules, particularly neuropeptides, in the brain and body. These molecules carry emotional information throughout the body.
- Mind-Body Connection: Emotions are both mental and physical phenomena. The brain, body, and immune system are all connected, and emotions influence our physical health and well-being.
- The Role of Neuropeptides: Neuropeptides, chemical messengers in the body, play a critical role in how emotions are generated and experienced. They act as bridges between the brain and body, linking emotional states to physical reactions.
- The Body’s Memory: Emotions are not just stored in the brain but are also present throughout the body, challenging the idea that the brain is the sole repository of emotions. This suggests that the body “remembers” emotional experiences.
- Emotional Healing: Pert emphasizes that by understanding how emotions affect our bodies and recognizing the molecular processes involved, we can take steps toward emotional healing and physical well-being, such as through emotional release, mindfulness, and body awareness.
- Scientific Validation of Emotions: The book highlights how modern neuroscience and her own research validate the physical basis of emotions, bridging the gap between science and spirituality by showing that emotions are not just psychological experiences but have tangible biological origins.
- Consciousness and Emotions: Pert touches on the role of consciousness in the experience of emotion, suggesting that emotions are not just reactive but are influenced by our thoughts and awareness.
Pert’s work revolutionised our understanding of emotions by emphasising the interplay between chemistry, biology, and psychological experience, encouraging a more integrated approach to health and emotional well-being.
To buy The Molecules of Emotion go HERE
Energy Rising: The Neuroscience of Leading with Emotional Power – Simone Rolf
Energy Rising takes a deep dive into how emotions play a huge role in leadership. The book shows how understanding the neuroscience behind emotions can help leaders harness their emotional energy to motivate, inspire, and lead more effectively. It’s about using emotional power in a positive way, not just managing or controlling emotions.
Emotions Are Powerful: Emotions are a big deal for leaders — they impact everything from how we think to how we interact with others. By understanding the brain science behind these emotions, leaders can use their emotional energy to their advantage.
How Emotions Affect Leadership: The book looks at how different parts of the brain react during emotional situations and how those reactions influence leadership. Leaders who can manage their emotions and stay in control during stress are better at making decisions and connecting with their teams.
Emotional Power vs. Control: Instead of just controlling emotions, Rolf talks about using emotional power. Leaders who embrace their emotions and direct that energy positively are way more effective at inspiring and leading others.
Managing Your Energy: Emotional energy is just like physical energy—it needs to be managed. Leaders who stay aware of their energy and use it in healthy ways are more successful at creating a positive work environment and staying productive.
Empathy and Emotional Intelligence: Leaders need emotional intelligence to connect with their teams. By being aware of their own emotions and understanding others’ feelings, leaders can build trust, manage conflict, and motivate people.
Mirror Neurons: These are brain cells that let us feel what others are feeling. Leaders who project positive energy can influence the emotions of their teams and create a ripple effect of enthusiasm and motivation.
Building Emotional Resilience: Leaders need to bounce back from tough situations. By being aware of emotional triggers and practising self-regulation, leaders can stay calm and composed under pressure.
Creating an Emotionally Empowered Culture: Leaders can help build a workplace where emotional energy is valued. This means fostering open conversations, being aware of others’ emotions, and creating an environment where everyone feels supported and motivated.
Practical Tools for Leaders: Rolf offers simple tools to help leaders manage their emotions, such as mindfulness practices and energy-boosting exercises. These strategies help leaders stay grounded and be more effective in leading their teams.
Energy Rising is all about using emotional power in leadership. It’s not about ignoring or suppressing emotions but about understanding and directing that energy to lead with empathy, authenticity, and impact.
The Emotion Code: How to Release Your Trapped Emotions for Abundant Health, Love and Happiness – Dr Bradley Nelson
The Emotion Code by Dr. Bradley Nelson explores the concept of trapped emotions – unresolved negative emotions from past experiences that are stored in the body. Nelson argues that these trapped emotions can have a lasting impact on our physical and emotional health, contributing to a variety of issues, including pain, illness, and emotional challenges. The book introduces a system for identifying and releasing these trapped emotions to promote healing and improve overall well-being. The key ideas include:
- Trapped Emotions: Negative emotions, such as fear, anger, or sadness, can become trapped in the body after traumatic or stressful events. These unresolved emotions can manifest as physical or emotional problems.
- Impact on Health: Trapped emotions are linked to a range of physical ailments, including chronic pain, digestive issues, and even diseases. Emotionally, they can contribute to anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties.
- The Emotion Code: Dr. Nelson introduces a method called The Emotion Code, which involves identifying and releasing trapped emotions through muscle testing and energy healing techniques. This process helps to restore balance and emotional freedom.
- The Energy Field: The book discusses how the body’s energy system, including the meridians and energy fields, can become disrupted by trapped emotions, leading to imbalances in both physical and emotional health.
- The Heart Wall: One of the key concepts in The Emotion Code is the idea of the “Heart Wall,” a protective barrier formed by trapped emotions around the heart. This wall can limit love, happiness, and connection with others. Releasing trapped emotions can help break down this wall, allowing individuals to experience more love and joy.
- Self-Healing: Nelson emphasizes that anyone can learn to release trapped emotions and heal themselves, using simple techniques that don’t require professional intervention. The process is accessible and can be done on one’s own or with the help of a practitioner.
- Healing through Energy: The book connects emotional healing to energy work, claiming that by clearing emotional blockages, individuals can promote physical healing and a sense of emotional well-being, creating space for abundance, health, love, and happiness.
Nelson’s approach combines elements of traditional medicine with applied kinesiology, offering a holistic method to release trapped emotions and improve overall health and emotional well-being. The focus on self-healing and the idea of an emotional energy field has resonated with many seeking alternative ways to address emotional and physical pain.