Reframe the Game

Conflict is just change trying to happen.

Conflict is often seen as a negative. Yet conflict, a difference of opinions or ideas, leads to innovation and improvement. When we embrace conflict as an opportunity for growth, we gain clarity and better understanding of each other and our situation. We come up with new ways to improve and boost performance. It helps to reframe the way we think about conflict. Here are three ways to do that:

Conflict as a dance 

Dance partners move in opposite directions and hold different positions, however with practice, the end result is quite graceful and enjoyable. If we think of conflict as an invitation to dance, if we practice engaging thoughtfully with people who hold different opinions and positions from our own, the entire experience can produce more positive outcomes. Conflict is the dance of complimentary opposites.

Example 1: Navigating Different Communication Styles
A regional manager and a head office executive have very different ways of communicating – one prefers direct, face-to-face chats, the other leans on detailed emails. Instead of clashing, they take time to “learn each other’s steps.” They agree to meet halfway: the manager sends concise updates and the executive schedules regular video calls. Over time, their interactions become more fluid, building trust and mutual respect as they “dance” through their differences.

Example 2: Cross-Department Collaboration
A hospital’s allied health team (physios, OTs, speechies) must coordinate patient care. Each discipline has its own approach, and initial meetings are awkward – people “step on each other’s toes.” By practicing active listening and adapting to each other’s rhythms, the team finds a collaborative flow, resulting in smoother handovers and better patient outcomes

Conflict as a game

Great rivalries create excellence. Think Aust-NZ, Carlton-Collingwood, Rousey-Holm, Red Sox-Yankees, Real Madrid-Barcelona. In sport, we expect opposition and plan for it. And the stronger the opposition, the more we learn and the better we become. Our rivalries revive and revitalise us. Opposition opens us to new opportunities – we win or we learn. Faced with new and unexpected challenges, we reinvent and innovate. Having the courage to step into conflict situations rather than avoid them helps us learn more about ourselves and others. We value and appreciate our opposition because they are the ones helping us find new opportunities to improve, refine and develop.

Example 1: Healthy Workplace Rivalry
Two sales teams in a national company – Sydney and Melbourne – are in friendly competition for quarterly results. The rivalry pushes both teams to innovate, try new sales strategies, and share best practices. Instead of letting competition become toxic, leaders encourage sportsmanship, celebrate both teams’ wins, and use lessons from close contests to lift everyone’s performance.

Example 2: Embracing Opposition for Growth
During a strategy offsite, managers are split on whether to invest in a new product line. Rather than shutting down debate, the CEO frames the discussion as a game: “Let’s see who can come up with the strongest case, and what we can learn from each side.” The spirited debate surfaces risks and opportunities that hadn’t been considered, leading to a stronger final decision and a sense of shared achievement.

Conflict as creative tension

Tension is when opposing forces stretch something and pull it tight. It’s a very useful force. Without it there’d be no Harbour Bridge. Without tension we couldn’t parachute, sail, ski, yo-yo, trampoline, play tennis, start a chainsaw or hang the clothes out to dry. Tension is what holds two opposing objects in place and produces something useful in between.

Think of a suspension bridge. Too little resistance and the bridge is unstable. Too much tension and the bridge snaps. Like a good suspension bridge, we need just the right amount of tension in our teams. We need resistance from opposing ideas and perspectives to create good connections and bridge the gaps in our thinking. Conflict is an opportunity to hold the space between and create something new and useful to bridge the gap. Conflict is the raw material for creativity and innovation.

Example 1: Product Development Standoff
A tech start-up’s design lead wants a bold, experimental app interface, while the operations manager insists on a tried-and-true design. Tension rises, but the CEO encourages both to articulate their visions and constraints. Through structured workshops, the team combines the best of both ideas, resulting in a product that’s both user-friendly and innovative.

Example 2: Bridging Gaps in Team Thinking
A government project team is split between big-picture thinkers and detail-focused analysts. Instead of forcing consensus, the project lead acknowledges the tension and sets up sessions where each side presents their view. The creative push-pull reveals blind spots and sparks solutions that neither group could have developed alone – much like the tension in a suspension bridge creates strength and stability.

In Summary

Reframing conflict can turn friction into opportunities for growth, stronger relationships, and better results. If we rewrite the script, we rewrite the outcomes.

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