The 5 Modes of the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI)
The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) identifies five main ways people handle conflict, based on how assertive (standing up for your own needs) and cooperative (considering others’ needs) you are. Here are the five modes:
Competing (High Assertiveness, Low Cooperativeness)
Standing your ground to get your way.
Example: You’re a manager in a construction firm and two teams are arguing about which safety protocol to follow. You know one protocol is non-negotiable for legal reasons, so you step in and make the final call, even if it upsets some team members.
When to use: Emergencies, when a quick decision is critical, or when enforcing rules and standards.
Accommodating (Low Assertiveness, High Cooperativeness)
Letting others have their way to keep the peace.
Example: Your team wants to celebrate a project win with a Friday arvo BBQ, but you’d prefer a quieter lunch. You let the team decide, putting their preference ahead of yours to boost morale.
When to use: When the issue matters more to others, or you want to build goodwill and team harmony.
Avoiding (Low Assertiveness, Low Cooperativeness)
Dodging the issue or delaying the conversation.
Example: There’s tension between two staff over the office roster, but it’s minor and you know both are under pressure with deadlines. You decide to let things cool off and address it later if it escalates.
When to use: When the issue is trivial, emotions are running high, or you need more time to gather information.
Collaborating (High Assertiveness, High Cooperativeness)
Working together for a win-win solution.
Example: Two departments disagree on how to allocate a shared budget. You bring everyone together, encourage open discussion, and brainstorm a creative solution that meets both teams’ priorities.
When to use: When you need a long-term solution, want everyone’s buy-in, or the issue is too important for compromise.
Compromising (Moderate Assertiveness, Moderate Cooperativeness)
Meeting in the middle so everyone gives a little.
Example: Two team members want different days off, but you need both on site. You suggest they each take half a day off instead, so both get some of what they want.
When to use: When time is short, a temporary solution is needed, or both sides have equally important goals.
By understanding and using these five modes, you can handle workplace conflict more effectively, choosing the best approach for each situation.
Key Points
- No one mode is best for all situations — effective managers adapt their approach to fit the context and priorities.
- Understanding these modes helps you balance client wellbeing, staff satisfaction, and service quality.
- Developing skills in all five modes can improve conflict resolution, strengthen relationships, and enhance the quality of product and service delivery.
Where do you most often operate?
Think about your own approach to conflict. Which of the above modes do you most often rely on as your go-to strategy?
Are you over-reliant on that approach?
Are you able to flex and shift modes when necessary?
What might be holding you back from trying a different style?
For more about these ideas see:
What is the Thomas Kilmann Conflict Management Model?
Want to know more about conflict modes? Let’s talk. Click here to contact me